The Polish Ambassador composes music that is a pleasure for your ears and a sensory experience for your mind and body. He has been compared to many top electronic artists as having an irresistibly danceable beat, and that is spot on…his music is fun, and catchy, and downright awesome.
I dunno, there may just be something magical in that yellow jumpsuit he wears. I asked TPA a variety of weird questions, and he, in turn, gave me a variety of surreal answers. So, check out his music, read this, and then check out more of his music.
Interview by Peggy Mintun
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What has been your favorite spot on Earth to visit…and why?
Hmmm, I’ve been to so many wonderful places on this planet, but if you must put your journalistic uzi to my head, I confess that my homeboy Murphy’s basement is my favorite place. The faux wood panelling and the water color wallpaper that his mom painted herself are very comforting. Murphy’s mom also brings us plenty of mini pizza bagels and is none the wiser that we’re always smoking weed down there.
What sorts of things influence your music, and are they mostly tangible or intangible?
An infinite number of things influence my music. One of the main things being infinancy. No, I didn’t say, “infancy”, which is inspiring in it’s own. I love babies in all forms. My favorite being newborn Pugapoos, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about “infinancy”. It’s one of the only things that is simultaneously tangible AND intangible. For instance, you can count forever. Or you can see with your own eyes how two parallel straight lines will never meet. Yet in order to fully understand the reality of that which is infinite you can only see it in your mind. Does that get you gassed as much as it does me?
Nice jumpsuit. Why yellow?
Yellow is the color of eternal peace, understanding, and happiness. Duh.
Do you prefer a Hollywood blockbuster film or a pseudo-intellectual
independent film?
My favortie movie of all time is Con Air. I think that answers that one.
Who inspired your last release, I Found Him. Now I Must Kill Him.?
Most people assume that it’s Snuffleupagus, but I have nothing but love for that big hairy critter. We’ve gone bowling together on several occasions and are great chums. This may sound strange but suicide is the only way I know how to get off. Like I’ve mentioned before, I’m asexual. The only way that myself and other beings like me, there are a few thousand roaming the galaxies, can reach any sort of orgasmic euphoria is to off oneself. We are compelled to do so by our biological clocks, so to speak. Does that mean that killing myself is way of reproduction? Will I return in another form or will I simply vanish? These things I cannot answer for you. Such knowledge is dangerous and I’m only looking out for you.
What are you planning to do on December 21, 2012?
That’ll be my nephew’s 7th birthday, so I assume I’ll be begrudgingly trying to get along with my sister-in-law for most of the afternoon. Perhaps we’ll play some Operation to pass the time and then eat ice cream cake. I have a lifetime undefeated record at Operation, by the way. Steady hands.
What connection is there between James Joyce and the destruction of the dinosaurs?
There is a hidden chapter in Ulysses that only beings from my realm can perceive. Humans can only sense this connection on a subatomic level. It also produces a tingly feeling in the human spleen that is always dismissed as a result of “something they ate.” It’s actually quite a hilarious chapter. Sometimes, I wish you had the appropriate sensory organ to grasp it.
Which is more evil? Tartar sauce or mayonnaise?
That is tough one. All condiments are inherently evil, so it’s tough to rank them in any specific order. Yet, if push came to shove, I’d have to say mayonnaise is more evil. Why? Mayonnaise is a little more sneaky than tarter sauce. You know what you’re getting into with tarter sauce. Have you ever had a fish sandwich and not known immediately that there was tarter sauce on it? Exactly. However, there have been many times when you’ve bitten into a delicious hoagie or grinder and said out loud, “wait a second, why is this sandwich so evil?” And then, Jeffe, the guy who made the sandwich said, “my friend, it’s mayonnaise. Didn’t you ask for mayo on your sandwich?” Then you lived to regret the slurs that followed this exchange. That’s happened to most people I know.
And finally, knowing OLOGY means “the science of”, what is your ology?
My ology is Presentology. Sure, I know that there is no past or future. That there is only the present. There is only now. And now. And now. And right now. However, that’s not what I’m talking about. I love to give non-denominational, non-romantic, spontaneous presents. Just last week I gave the guy who tuned up my ten speed bicycle one of my new t-shirts. He wept and offered to gratify me sexually. I told him that I’m an asexual being from solar system far far away and that a 10% discount on my next tune-up would be more than fair. He accepted my offer and now we email each other pretty regularly. Presentology: the power of giving presents.
View Video - “Earth Versus the World”
Photographs courtesy of The Polish Ambassador. Visit his site here
Also, if you are on Facebook, be sure to fan his page.
